


show me your true colours (in their blinding brightness)

by neverwantedtodance



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Family Issues, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01, Pre-Season/Series 02, that tag's there so you all don't get too sad lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverwantedtodance/pseuds/neverwantedtodance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Haru opened the door, she was the last person he was expecting to see.<br/>Nervous blue eyes that matched his own stared back at him, as if they believed he wasn’t even real. Long black hair was swept over one shoulder. She was wearing a sharp-looking business suit (that’s all she ever had been, all sharp angles and business-orientated) and holding the handle of a small black suitcase.<br/>There was no mistaking it.<br/>“Mother?” he asked, in a quiet voice that he almost didn’t recognise as his own.</p><hr/><p>Due to an unexpected visit from his mother Yua, both Haru and Rin learn a few things about each other and themselves - not all of them good.<br/>Mostly, they learn about what is real about themselves, what's fake, and whether it matters in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	show me your true colours (in their blinding brightness)

**Author's Note:**

> whattup it's ya boi eli who still hasn't learnt to write anything harurin without stuffing some angst in there somewhere
> 
> oh, and although the summary is kinda misleading there IS actually a lot of harurin content in here  
> bur it's more about their characters y'know  
> anyway
> 
> title of the fic from the song 'true colours' by studio killers
> 
> enjoy

When Haru opened the door, she was the last person he was expecting to see.

Nervous blue eyes that matched his own stared back at him, as if they believed he wasn’t even real. Long black hair was swept over one shoulder. She was wearing a sharp-looking business suit (that’s all she ever had been, all sharp angles and business-orientated) and holding the handle of a small black suitcase.

There was no mistaking it.

“Mother?” he asked, in a quiet voice that he almost didn’t recognise as his own.

She smiled back at him, a small smile, but it was the first time he’d seen her smile in five years, and it kind of scared him.

“Haruka,” she said, with a small sigh, as if she hadn’t said that name in a long time, “aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Her tone was strict and official, as always, but there was something about her jerky movements that clued Haru in to the fact that his mother wasn’t quite as composed as she made out to be. He’d gotten better at reading people’s emotions now, with some extra coaching from his friends.

He opened the door wider, silently, still staring, as his mother walked onto their property for the first time in a long while.

This was not exactly how he expected his evening to go.

* * *

Yua Nanase was not a cold woman. Not initially, but business turned her that way. Haru contemplated this as he fried mackerel, feeling his mother’s gaze bore into the back of his head. He wondered what she was thinking about him, but unfortunately mind-reading was one skill Makoto hadn’t covered yet in their empathy lessons. A pity.

He served up the fish silently. They sat down in silence, and began to eat in silence. It wasn’t that different from when Haru lived alone (was that why she was here? To live with him again? He wondered what on Earth she was doing here. It’s not as if when she actually lived with him she wanted to be there.)

His mother cleared her throat. “The food is good,” she muttered, her voice flat with no emotion. Her eyes, however, darted around the room, and Haru followed them, trying to see it through her eyes, but stopped when she landed on the shrine for his grandmother.

He gave a noncommittal grunt in response.

She continued talking, in her tinny quiet voice that Haru detested. For once, he wished for some bitterness or coldness in his mother’s voice. It would be better in this … _imposter_ of a voice.

“So, tell me about what you’ve been up to lately,” she asked, and there was a nervousness in her voice.

Haru stilled. She never asked him about himself.

He remained quiet.

She continued talking, seemingly oblivious to her son’s apathy.

“Are you still swimming?” she asked, hoping to draw him out his shell.

It worked. Haru looked up, his expression still blank, but he gave a small nod, and that seemed to please his mother. She gave him one of those small smiles again, and he realised, with a mixture of shock and disgust, that he would probably have to get used to her smiling at him.

“Good,” she said, “that’s good.”

He hoped she wasn’t going to repeat herself again. He’d probably go insane.

 _But_ , a small voice said in the back of his mind, _she’s making an effort_. _That’s more than she’s ever done_.

Haru pondered this. His childhood was mostly filled with silence and work. That’s what his parents were always doing. Work, work work. It’s probably thanks to his grandmother and Makoto that he actually knew how to speak at all, let alone interact with other people. After his parents moved away it was a little better, living with his grandmother, but the instinct to _stay quiet and get on with it_ (uttered in his father’s voice) still echoed around in his mind. It’s most likely not going to go away, no matter how many people try to chase it.

But now his mother was here, trying to hold a conversation with him in a way that was utterly unfamiliar and kind of awkward, but she was _trying_. He didn’t know why she was here or for how long, or where his father was (he honestly didn’t care much about that), but he supposed he should return the favour.

He cleared his throat too, getting his mother’s attention back to him.

“I didn’t realise you knew about my swimming,” he said emotionlessly, and his mother’s face fell slightly as the voice in his head screamed in agony at how socially inept he was.

He realised this was the wrong this to say. Yua frowned, looking like the ice queen he was familiar with as she took a small piece of fish on the end of her fork and bit it fiercely but daintily.

“How old are you know?” she asked coolly, and with a start Haru realised that was retaliation. She _knew_ how old he was, he could see it in her eyes, but being petty and ruining people’s days were two of her best talents. It came with being a business woman, he reckoned.

He gritted his teeth before speaking. Unfortunately, he hadn’t inherited those talents from her. Or maybe it was fortunate. All he had was silence and calm, like the ocean before a storm. However, there was a storm underneath the mask, full of care and anger and bitterness. But Haru was well-practiced in controlling it.

“Seventeen … and yes. I still swim.” One of the easiest ways to please his mother was to answer her questions in the exact right way she wanted you to.

Her eyes gleamed. Was that pride? Or something else? “Third year in high school, almost,” she said. “A difficult time. Do you have any friends to help you through it? Makoto still around?”

The bombardment of questions left Haru a little stunned. This was his mother’s way of trying, though, so Haru would comply. But he did “trying” a little differently.

He nodded. “I’m on the swim team. With Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, and Kou.” _And then there’s Rin_ , he added silently, but he didn’t feel this was the right time to bring Rin, and all the complexities surrounding him, up.

Her eyes seemed to brighten. “That’s good,” she said, and Haru stilled. Was that all she could say? Even when she was trying to be nice, the room’s atmosphere was still thick with tension.

“I’m glad you have friends to support you, Haruka. You were such a lonely child,” she remarked sadly.

 _That was your fault_ , he wanted to retort, full of resentment. But he bit his tongue and stayed silent.

“Is there anyone special, perhaps?” she asked, and when Haru looked up there was a small, genuine smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, and a hint of mischief only a mother asking _that_ question could have. If a stranger walked in, it would seem like they were a normal mother and son.

But they were far from it. Still, Haru could play up the illusion.

 _Someone special_ , he thought. All his friends were special, he decided, but then realised what she meant. One word came into his mind instantly.

 _Rin_.

I mean, he was his boyfriend. Though that was certainly a new thing. Haru wasn’t exactly a genius when it came to relationships.

But Rin was special. Haru knew that like he knew the water. It was something that was constant and proven in his mind.

He realised, too late, that he was smiling. He straightened his facial expression, but she had already noticed. Her smile grew wider.

Haru sighed in defeat. “I … do have a boyfriend … I guess,” he said, trying to keep ambiguous, but he couldn’t stop the smile that started to creep back on his face when he thought of Rin.

He looked at his mother. She looked surprised, but not entirely shocked by this reveal.

“Oh, well, I did always suspect …” she trailed off. “But then again …”

She seemed to be sorting things out in her mind, and Haru let her. He would be patient. He had a lot of practice being that around his parents.

He stood up to clear the empty plates away, and his mother stood up with him.

He realised, with a shock, that he was at least a head taller than her now. He stared at her. She stared back, and that nervous smile was back. He realised, then, that neither of them really knew how to act around each other, and maybe she was here to learn.

Satisfied with this deduction, Haru turned away to go wash up the plates, waiting for his mother to finally decide what to say. They were alike, in that way. Always working through words in their mind, wondering what the right thing to say was.

Finally, she spoke, when Haru was elbow deep in washing up water.

“Well, yes, I did always suspect some things. Still, Makoto is a very good match for you, so congratulations …” she continued speaking, but Haru tuned out the rest of it to process what she just said.

 _Wait … Makoto_?

He turned around, letting the liquid drip down onto the floor. “Makoto’s not my boyfriend,” he spoke, and even now there was some part of his voice that tremored with the fear of contradicting his mother, who was, as a rule, always right.

She blinked at him, and they stared at each other, before she hurriedly got a cloth and got down to clean up the water. Haru turned back to the dishes, glad she didn’t seem to be angry.

“Of course,” she said hurriedly, “of course it was silly of me to assume, of course - ”

“Mother,” he interrupted her (something else that was forbidden in the Nanase household long ago), “slow down.”

She stared up at him, confused, as if she didn’t think he was talking to her. That’s when he realised it was the first time he’d called her mother in a long, long time.

He sighed, and decided the dishes would have to wait. He wiped his hands dry and crouched down to be eye level with her. Her business suit was getting crumpled.

“Who is it?” she finally asked.

Haru took a deep breath. “It’s Rin. Rin Matsuoka.”

Her eyes widened in recognition. “Really! But I thought … Didn’t he move to Australia?” she asked.

Haru sighed. “It’s a long story.” _And it’s not mine to tell_.

She smiled at him, taking his hand and pulling them both to their feet. His eyes widened minutely at her touch. It was warm, slightly damp from the wet cloth she’d been using. He’d half expected her touch to freeze him.

“Invite him over tomorrow night, then, so I can know him better,” she said, and she was back to normal – orders were given by her, and they were expected to be obeyed. Haru didn’t mind this one though. He’d been meaning to have Rin round anyway.

He nodded, but she was still speaking.

“After all I’m only here for a week, so I need to spend all my time here wisely.”

Haru frowned, slightly. He was disappointed, for some reason, but not surprised.

“Oh,” he simply said.

“It’s getting late. We should be sleeping,” she said, after a pause.

He nodded at her, and she nodded back. They nodded at each other. It would be comical, if it wasn’t so tense.

Finally, she awkwardly laid a hand on his arm. “Get some rest.” It was meant to be comforting, but from her mouth it still managed to sound like an order.

He nodded at her. His instinct still said to obey.

“I’ll talk to Rin tomorrow then,” he said, and with that, his mother turned away and made her way upstairs, as if she’d never left the house.

Haru sighed and followed her, flicking out the lights as he went.

Definitely _not_ how he’d planned his evening to go. He couldn’t figure out, though, whether it had been better or worse.

* * *

“Absolutely not!” Rin exclaimed, nearly dropping the burger that was in his hand.

Haru had expected it to go like this, if he was completely honest. He let Rin speak, stealing a few fries off his tray.

He’d brought his boyfriend to some awful fast food restaurant that served burgers that looked so raw they could’ve still been a part of the cow. Apparently Rin loved it. He’d hoped the food would pacify him a bit, but it was like being with a shark. One little sniff of blood angered him.

Rin paused in his angry tirade, and waved his burger at Haru. “Is that why we’re here? Did you think because you paid for my meal I’d bend over backwards for your every will?” he asked, and practically threw his burger down onto the tray. He stared at it in disgust, as if it had personally betrayed him.

Haru raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s not like you’ve never bent over for me before.”

Rin flushed. “Haru! We’re in public, you menace.” But there was a small smile on his face. _Bingo_.

Haru leaned forwards, grabbing a fry. “So you’ll come to dinner then,” he said.

Rin grabbed his wrist before Haru could put the stolen food in his mouth. “No I will not,” he said, and Haru sighed, shoving the food back towards Rin. He could keep it, if he was so possessive over it.

Rin smirked at his victory, but then sobered up. “It’s not as if I don’t _want_ to eat with you, but … ”

“But?” Haru prompted.

“But your _mom_ ,” his boyfriend repressed a shudder, “Haru, she’s _terrifying_!” his boyfriend whined, “One look from her and I’ll freeze into an icicle.”

Haru shifted uncomfortably, partly because what Rin was saying was true.

“Besides, aren’t you wondering why all of a sudden the snow queen’s back in town?” he continued, taking another bite from his burger. “It all seems a little strange to me.”

Haru shrugged, but Rin could read that shrug. His eyes narrowed as he translated Haru’s body language into speech.

He slurped from the straw of his drink cup obnoxiously. Haru’s eyes narrowed.

“Stop that,” he muttered. Rin resumed to drinking normally, staring at Haru and waiting until he spoke.

Finally, his boyfriend sighed. “She’s making an effort,” he said, and while it wasn’t much of an explanation, Rin understood. He hummed noncommittally, but inside he was thinking. He’d once been a person coming back into Haru’s life unannounced, so, in a way, he understood how Haru’s mother felt. But that still didn’t mean he wanted to be associated with her.

“And you?” he asked, after finishing off his burger in three big bites. “Are you making an effort?”

Haru shrugged again, but this time there were words to follow. “I’m bringing you, aren’t I?”

With that, he stealthily polished off the last fries on Rin’s tray and stood up, gathering their rubbish together and placing it in the trash.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said. If he stayed in this place any longer he’d have severe withdrawal symptoms from mackerel.

* * *

Haru was almost done frying steak when the doorbell rang. He shot a look to his mother over his shoulder, but she was already walking towards the door. There was a cool expression on her face. He hoped Rin wasn’t too nervous.

He listened in as his mother opened the door.

“Hello, Mrs. Nanase,” he heard Rin say. His voice sounded confident, but Haru would wait until he saw Rin’s face to make a full judgement.

“Hello, Rin. It’s nice to finally see you again. You’ve certainly grown,” she said, with a nervous chuckle.

Rin laughed with her, and Haru heard them coming further into the house. He flipped Rin’s steak onto a plate, and got busy with finishing the mackerel.

He could sense Rin approaching him and smirked. His boyfriend thought he was so subtle.

He turned just as Rin went to wrap his arms around Haru’s waist.

“Hey there,” Rin said sheepishly.

Haru desperately wanted to kiss Rin, but out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother watching them, a weird half-smile on her face. He may have become more comfortable around his mother, but that didn’t mean he’d kiss his boyfriend in front of her. He settled for a hug instead.

“Okay?” he whispered into Rin’s ear.

Rin pulled away, flashing Haru a confident grin. “I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted.

Haru said nothing, but hummed in response. There was definitely an air of confidence around Rin, but he wondered how much of it was real and how much was projected, like when he first came back to Iwatobi.

Yua spoke then, interrupting the silence. “You know, when Haru said you were his boyfriend, it really surprised me. I honestly always thought it would be Ma - ”

Rin turned to face her.

Haru flashed his mother a glare behind Rin’s back. He didn’t want to imagine what that would do to Rin’s self-esteem.

Yua changed track easily. “ – Many years until he found someone.” She finished with a smile. Haru snorted quietly. _Business women_.

Rin smirked. “Yeah, he’s definitely not the most perceptive of people.”

Haru flipped two mackerels onto separate plates and started to carry them over. “I know you didn’t come here to trash talk me with my mother,” he quipped to Rin.

“I don’t need to go specific places to trash talk you,” Rin retorted easily.

Haru’s mother stared at them strangely, as if she was seeing Haru for the first time. In a way, she was. This was the real Haru.

Haru set the plates down, and they began to eat.

Haru and Yua watched Rin tear into his steak with a mixture of morbid curiosity (Yua) and affection (himself).

After a moment, she steeled herself. “So, Rin,” she began, “when did you get back to Iwatobi?”

Rin paused his eating. “About a year ago, now. It was the first time I’d been back in a long time.”

“Really? You never came back for holidays, then?”

Haru tensed.

But Rin shook his head. “No, I never did. It was important to be training all the time in Australia.”

Haru couldn’t blame him for not talking about the one time he did come back. It was best that was kept between them.

“So why did you leave?” his mother asked, perceptive as always. There was always a reason for everything someone did. Haru himself was only just learning this.

Rin seemed to still for a moment, all his fake confidence vanishing, like a gust of wind had suddenly ripped it away from him.

Haru stared intently at him, wondering what he was going to do. Australia was something they rarely talked about, only late at night when it was just the two of them in the darkness. But still, he was ready to support Rin in talking about it to other people, especially if it was his mother.

Rin shrugged. “I didn’t want just one place to hold me down. I thought I’d come swim back in Japan again. For a change, y’know? But there wasn’t really any _real_ reason. Australia was nice, but I felt like it had taught me all I needed. Plus I was kinda getting a little bit too good.” He smiled lazily at Haru’s mother, who drank all this in gleefully.

Haru, however, was less impressed with his boyfriend’s blatant lies.

He caught Rin’s eye, and gave him a look that probably rivalled his mother’s own perfected icy glare. Rin’s eyes widened and he swiftly looked away, turning the charm on Haru’s mother. But he knew that look, and he could translate it perfectly well.

 _We’ll talk about this later_.

Haru turned back to his food. Suddenly, the mackerel didn’t look very appetising. He folded his arms in dismay. Rin wasn’t acting like Rin at all. Sure, the _real_ Rin was a bit arrogant and a show-off, but this …

Haru’s frown deepened. This wasn’t right.

While he’d been thinking, Rin had been telling his mother all about Samezuka. He tuned back into the conversation to hear Rin speaking.

“And then we just lost the relay against Iwatobi at regionals,” he heard him say, and Haru clenched his fist.

 _No, you didn’t_. _You swam the relay with us, and it helped us both to be free_.

But he stayed quiet and finished his food. He felt angry, but mostly just confused. Why was Rin lying like this? It just didn’t make sense. Haru’s mother wanted to get to know _Rin_ , not this cheap overly arrogant lie.

He cleared the table whilst his mother and Rin continued to talk without stopping. The constant noise roared in Haru’s ears, making him feel tense and alert.

“Well, I’ll be going now,” he heard Rin say in a loud voice.

This was Haru’s chance.

“Rin - ” He began to say, before his boyfriend cut him off with a quick kiss to the cheek and a garbled goodbye, before rushing out the door without so much as a wave goodbye.

Haru glared at the shut door.

His mother folded her arms across her chest. “He seems lovely,” she said slowly, watching her son.

Haru nodded, but he wasn’t really paying attention. He brushed past his mother when she tried to reach out for him, and headed upstairs, missing the strange look on her face.

He had a lot to think about.

* * *

Rin was sly.

He sent a quick text to Haru, telling him he’d be out of town for a few nights camping with his family with no mobile signal. So even if Haru wanted to text him, now he couldn’t.

Haru spent the majority of that time days sulking in the bathtub. The first time Yua walked in on him lying there in his swimming trunks, she screamed. They really had a lot to learn about each other.

“I just don’t understand why you’re _wearing_ them though,” she said for the hundredth time that day. Haru sighed as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel. It was the final day before Rin came back home.

Yua had spent most of her time in his house (because what right did she have to call it her house?) criticising him, talking about work, or actually working. They had settled into an uncomfortable routine of Haru saying very little and his mother saying a lot. He felt like a child again.

“And when are you going to invite Rin for dinner again?” she continued. “I feel like I know more about him that I do about you!”

Haru snorted. “Really now?” he replied in a monotone.

“Well, not really, of course - you _are_ my son.”

“Am I?” he looked at her, suddenly filled with rage. He was angry – angry at Rin, at his mother, and at himself, for not understanding why the hell anyone was acting the way they were.

He glared at her. She stared back, cool as ever and emotionless. Suddenly, Haru saw his own flat expression in hers. It fuelled his bitterness even more.

“I may be your son, but you don’t know anything about being a mother,” he snarled, pushing past her and going upstairs to lock himself in the bathroom.

Yua was silent as she smoothed down her already perfect blouse.

Upstairs, Haru sighed softly, leaning his head against the closed door. All his rage receded, like the tide, and now all he felt was tired. Exhaustion ached in him, right down to his bones.

He started to run a bath. He didn’t have anything else to do except be alone with his thoughts.

* * *

He sent Rin one short text, inviting him over tonight. It wasn’t really an invitation, more of a command. There was no love in the words.

He received no reply, but Haru knew Rin would be there.

Sure enough, the doorbell rang. Haru was there to open it almost immediately.

The look he fixed Rin was pure steel. His boyfriend looked as tired as Haru felt. There were bags under his eyes and he seemed pale. Haru wondered how much sleep he’d gotten over the past few days. Maybe this was torturing Rin as much as it was hurting Haru.

He opened the door wider, silently inviting Rin in. He muttered a thanks and slipped his shoes off.

Haru’s mother seemed to glide into sight. Her gaze rested on Rin, a lot less friendly than the night she met him.

The air seemed thick with a tension nobody could catch. Haru walked away from the scene to cook, leaving his mother and Rin to make small talk. He was never good at that. It seemed lately he wasn’t good at anything other than making people miserable.

After a while, in which there was more silence than there should be in a room with three people in it, he set the plates down with an obnoxious clatter that sounded out loud in the quiet.

They began to eat. Yua picked at her food, her mouth twisted like she was sucking on a lemon or something equally sour.

Rin seemed as if he hadn’t even realised the food was there. Instead he sat staring off into the distance with his chin resting on his hand.

And Haru, in between bites of fish, alternated between staring at his mother and Rin, waiting for someone to talk first. It almost definitely wasn’t going to be him.

Yua cleared her throat. It seemed she was going to rise to the challenge.

She was still ignoring Haru, and directed everything she said to Rin.

“You still haven’t told me how you two started going out,” she said. Her tone was unusually soft, but underneath Haru could see it was still an order that had to be obeyed.

Rin started when he realised she was speaking to him. There was a nervous expression on his face.

“Well, it was after regionals. I just kind of … realised how I felt. But I did have some help,” he said, apprehensively smiling at Haru.

Haru looked down at his food. He missed the way Rin’s smile faltered.

“I realised that Haru made me happy. Happier than anyone or anything else in the world, and that includes swimming. But swimming with Haru … ” The smile on Rin’s face was genuine now, and Haru recognised the love in his voice. _This_ was the real Rin, sneaking through the cracks in the mask.

“Swimming the relay with Haru was the best moment of my entire life,” he said, and Haru stilled. So did Rin, as he realised what he said. His face seemed to get paler.

“I thought you swam against Haru?” his mother asked, her eyes innocent. Haru’s own eyes narrowed when he realised what was going on.

Rin shakily stood up, his hands gripping the table edges so tight his knuckles turned white.

“I have to go … outside,” he managed to gasp out before fleeing the house through the front door.

Haru got up, ready to go after him and hopefully sort out this mess they’d put themselves sin, when he felt a hand on his wrist stopping him.

His mother had stood up with him, and had come round to stand in front of him. Again, he noticed the height difference between them now. When he was younger, his parents had seemed larger than life, terrifying like giants. But now, he realised with a start, he was probably taller than his father too. A mixture of feelings bubbled confusedly in his heart.

Yua surprised him again by reaching up and pressing a swift, short kiss to his forehead.

“I haven’t been a very good mother,” she said, speaking quietly, and Haru nodded before he could stop himself. He braced himself for a punishment, but it never came. She continued talking.

“I haven’t been a good mother at all. But you are better than any project I’ve worked on, Haruka.”

And then, she let him go. He nodded at her again, not quite sure what to say in response to what appeared to be the first genuine compliment his mother had given him, albeit a rather hidden one.

His mother made shooing motions with her hand and tucked her hair behind her ear, as she sat down and continued eating as if nothing was wrong.

He tried to stop his head from instinctively nodding as he made his way outside.

Rin was sitting against the fence, staring up at the night sky. Haru took a deep breath before going to sit beside him.

Rin made no move to acknowledge his presence, and together they stared up at the stars in silence.

Finally, Rin moved.

He looked over at Haru, sitting beside him calmly and staring at the stars with a blank expression.

“Why are you here, Haru?” he asks.

Haru looks over and meets his eyes. “Because you’re here,” he replies nonchalantly.

Rin shakes his head. “You should be inside with your mom,” he says sadly.

Haru furrows his brow. “It’s just my mother, Rin. She can wait.” As he speaks, Rin is still shaking his head.

“It’s not “ _just your mom_ ”. You haven’t seen her in years. You should be spending as much time together as possible without me fucking it all up.” Rin shakily laughs as he finishes speaking, but it’s not a humorous one.

Haru frowns. “Trust me, things were messed up before you arrived, Rin. You wouldn’t have changed anything.” He pauses. “I just don’t understand why you lied. It was like you went back to the fake you, from before regionals. ”

Rin shifted uncomfortably. “You were meant to be making an effort.”

“What?” Haru asked.

Rin’s voice grew louder. “In the restaurant. You said you were making an effort by bringing me. I just thought … I knew she was going to ask questions. What would your mom say if she heard about all the stuff I did? Failing in the 100m, acting like the biggest dick in the universe, quitting swimming … She’d think I was a disappointment. A failure.” Rin chuckled again, but it caught in his throat as a sob threatened to burst through. “Hell. I _am_ a failure,” he said.

“Hey,” Haru interrupted. “No you’re not. Don’t say stuff like that.”

Rin sniffed. “But it’s true. That’s why I made all that stuff up. I just didn’t want to ruin things with you and your mom. I thought if she didn’t know how awful I made you feel she’d like me, and then you could be happy as a family.”

Haru sighed. In the end, it really was all his fault then. He thought of what he’d said to his mother. She may have been a horrible mother, but right now he wasn’t exactly being a good boyfriend. They both had their flaws.

All he was doing was make people miserable.

He stared at Rin – Rin, who’d tried so hard to piece together Haru’s family, even though he didn’t need to, just to make his boyfriend _happy_ …

Haru loved him all the time, but right now he really loved him. He could feel it in his heart, beating away all the confusing feelings from before.

He took Rin’s hand in his own. “We’ve both been idiots,” he said finally. Not as good as an ‘I love you’, but it would have to do for now.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to lie,” Haru said softly. He wasn’t one for big monologues, but he’d try. “I was making an effort, but you didn’t have to, Rin. My mother would probably like you if you killed a man.”

Rin smiled. “What do you mean ‘if’?” he joked.

Haru didn’t laugh, but it was good Rin was joking. That meant he was feeling better.

Rin wiped a couple of stray tears away from his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t need to apologise,” Haru said gruffly.

Rin shook his head. “I need to apologise to your mom too. For lying. I just … I really hate who I was back then.”

Haru frowned. “But that wasn’t you,” he said.

Rin looked up, confusion in his eyes. “Who was it then?” he asked sarcastically. “You know any other guys with bright red hair and shark teeth?”

Haru simply rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. “Just one is enough,” he muttered to himself.

“I mean,” he continued, “it wasn’t the real you.” He let go of Rin’s hand to brush a lock of red hair away from his face. “This is the real Rin,” he murmured.

Rin’s cheeks blushed a faint pink and he looked away. But he was smiling now, and that’s all that mattered to Haru.

His own frown fell slightly. It felt, for a moment, like everything would be OK.

“I’m sorry too,” he said.

Now it was Rin’s turn to frown. “Why?”

Haru did a sort of half-shrug that Rin couldn’t translate into speech if his life depended on it.

“It’s my fault. I made you feel like you had to lie about who you were. But you don’t.” It was a simple, very Haru-like apology, but Rin understood the deeper meaning behind it.

He smiled, pulling Haru in for a hug that Haru didn’t resist.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is,” Rin whispered.

“Do I make you miserable?” was Haru’s response.

Rin pulled away in shock. “What the hell does that mean?”

Haru did the infuriating half-shrug again and slid down until his back was against the ground and he could stare up at the stars again. They twinkled back at him silently. He sighed.

Rin bit his lip. Finally, after some silence, he slid down to lie beside Haru.

“You don’t make me miserable at all, you oblivious idiot,” Rin said affectionately, and Haru looked at him, his expression seemingly as blank as usual, but Rin could see the emotion in his eyes.

“What I said before, about the relay …” Rin licked his lips and stared into Haru’s eyes. “That was the only true thing I said to your mother.”

And that’s all Haru needed.

He’d worried, over the past few days – worried that the way his expression was always cold and his words came out as orders, as things they weren’t meant to be … he’d worried it meant he was becoming like his mother.

But then he remembered the way he could now tell when people were embarrassed or scared or flirtatious by the tilt of their head or the brush of an arm. The way he had friends and a boyfriend and his swimming. And even if he didn’t show his emotions, they were still there, under the surface.

All these things were good things. And those before weren’t necessarily bad things.

 _Maybe_ , he thought, _maybe over the past few days he’d just become more like himself_.

He smiled a small smile up at Rin, gently pulling him down by the neck to kiss him, putting in all the gratitude that he can’t voice out loud.

He feels Rin smile through the kiss and his hand grip Haru’s arm, and he can understand the gratitude in there too.

They kiss for a while, until they are interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

Haru turns to see his mother, leaning against the door and staring with the blank expression that Haru once resented. But now he understands.

They both rise to their feet, but Rin gets there first before Haru can say anything.

He bows his head. “I lied to you, Mrs. Nanase. I’m sorry, but … ”

Haru can see the fresh tears threatening to form as Rin’s voice shakes. He tenses. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if his mother (inadvertently) makes Rin cry. Probably start sobbing too.

“I’ve known since the beginning, Rin,” she says in her quiet voice, and Rin stares up, mouth agape. Haru stays quiet. _Business woman_ , he thinks to himself.

And then she smiles at the both of them.

“I reckon there are a few things that I don’t know about you. Maybe you didn’t want me to them, but that doesn’t matter now,” she says.

“I only have a few days left of my visit, so I want to make sure I get to know you properly before I leave.”

Haru’s heart fell. Of course. She was going back.

Part of him was confused as to why he felt upset. After all, life would just go back to the way it was before she arrived, and he was doing just fine then.

But now, there was a kind of connection, an understanding, between them, that was never there before. It was like he was separating his life now into befores and afters.

“Of course, I’ll make sure to visit during the holidays and you boys must come to the city to visit us as well, you know,” Yua continued nonchalantly, and Haru sharply looked up.

Her eyes were calm and her speech was casual, but she flashed Haru a nervous smile. It was a new kind of smile – a genuine one. She understood what this meant.

He nodded at her, and Rin grinned at the both of them. Haru was as cool as always, but inside it felt as if he was flying, soaring high, high above the clouds, as light as a bird.

She clapped her hands together, once. “Right then,” she said. Her hands moved up as if to smooth down her shirt, but they stopped halfway there, and settled by her side again.

“I kept your food warm. I feel like I’d like to get to know the _real_ Rin Matsuoka.”

Rin grinned at her, a wide, open smile, and Haru couldn’t help but smile too at the sight of it.

“I’d like that too,” Rin said, and took Haru’s hand. Haru’s gaze softened at this, and he gently squeezed Rin’s hand. Rin squeezed back.

Pulling his boyfriend alongside him, the three of them entered the house, smiling. They were slightly nervous and eager to please, but they were all smiling.

Haru didn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope no one cried  
> cause i cried when i came up with this idea at like half past ten in the morning when i woke up and was like 'shit why has no one written this? guess i gotta do it then'
> 
> anyway, i sincerely do hope you enjoyed this kinda happy kinda sad kinda pretentious mess  
> please leave kudos or even better comments if you did because i really love feedback!!
> 
> if you're interested please read by other rinharu fics as well because they've got kinda the same feel about them
> 
> okay so yeah that's it from me
> 
> hope you enoyed
> 
> (yell at me about harurin on tumblr (@ cutelevi) and twitter (@ ordinaryeli) if you want)


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